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If you have been lazy
all through the year and have not studied, you might plead with God on
the morning the annual examinations begin: “Oh God, please help me
pass these examinations. If I pass I will fast for two days.”
You might think that
you prayed hard. However, some people might say that you negotiated!
Negotiation is no joke. It is through negotiations that nations settle
disputes first. Otherwise,
given human history, war would have been a daily affair — for every
individual on earth.
The
UN has helped end conflicts around the world through the negotiation of
cease-fires and peace agreements. Achieving world peace and security —
the most important goals of the United Nations — would not have been
possible without negotiations.
Remember that story
about Alexander the Great and King Porus? Alexander had conquered the
whole world and then arrived in India and defeated Porus. The defeated
king had lost everything — but not his sense of dignity. Chained, he
was brought in front of the victorious Greek. Then Alexander asked how
he should treat a defeated man. Porus said: “Like a king.” Like the
king that he was.
Porus may not have
sat across a table and discussed freedom with Alexander. But he
negotiated just that.
That is the power of
negotiation.
And it is not woolly,
‘mere philosophy’ stuff. It affects your life. All of it. You
don’t believe this, do you? Then think this over: What is it that gets
you, from your Mother, a toffee that you don’t deserve, to that justly
deserved raise from your employer for whom you have been working hard?
Negotiation is not
begging. It is a discussion intended to produce an agreement — for the
right reasons. It is a discussion that has arisen out of conflicting
interests — yours and the other person’s. What you want is not
necessarily what other people want. You may want to occupy a seat in the
bus, but another person may have spread his legs out, leaving you with
little space. Should that get you all worked up and ready to shout?
Should your country go to war against an enemy country if the latter has
done something against your interests? Should you resign your job,
should you scream at your boss if she has not given you a raise despite
your having worked so hard? Not necessarily. Conflicting interests do
not always have to result in hostile situations. They could lead to
negotiations; both sides may prefer to search for solutions.
In a successful
negotiation, everyone wins: you, and the person or the institution with
whom you are negotiating. And if you want to learn how to win and allow
the other person to win at the same time, you should learn to negotiate.
Negotiation, like any
management skill, can be learned, practiced, and mastered.
Negotiation
involves conflict
Imagine that you are
being interviewed for a job. You want Rs 10,000 as salary because of your
needs. Your employer, however, is offering you only Rs 7,000 because of her
needs.
A conflict situation
is one in which there is a conflict of interests. Conflicts are to be
seen everywhere, in all spheres of life — with bosses, peers,
subordinates, strangers, and even friends and loved ones.
However, you have to
manage each conflict situation, not let it go out of control. Therefore,
every conflict situation is a negotiation situation too. In our daily
lives, all of us actually come across situations that seem impossible.
They are, in fact, great opportunities for negotiation.
We constantly
negotiate and resolve conflicts throughout our professional and personal
lives, even though we may not realize that we are doing so. Negotiation
skills are a necessity in today's complex business environments. Day in
and day out we apply negotiation skills to work — formally and
informally — with clients and customers, bosses and colleagues.
Isn’t it usual that if you need to get something done by another
person, you rarely order them to do it? You negotiate! Negotiating
skills are crucial for landing a desirable promotion or job, for closing
a sale, and for improving communications and increasing cooperation.
Some studies have, in fact, shown that negotiating skills are most
crucial to successful careers.
Is it not, therefore,
in your interests to learn the techniques that would make you a
successful negotiator?
Resolving
conflict: You versus Me
We respond to
conflict depending on how important or unimportant the reason for a
particular conflict is to satisfy our needs. For example, a child may
beg his mother for a toffee depending on his needs (hunger or enjoyment)
just as an employee may ask her employer for a raise depending on her
needs.
However, Mother and
the employer may not respond positively! — because we also respond to
conflict depending on how important or unimportant it is to satisfy the other
person’s needs.
If your mother says,
"If I give you 10 rupees will you clean your room?” she is
negotiating with you. Her interest, her need, is a clean house. You will
agree to clean the room if you need 10 rupees.
However, your
interests may conflict with hers. You may be too lazy to clean your
room, or you may not have the time to do so because of an approaching
exam.
“If I … then you
….” In this phrase, your mother’s interests came first.
She may have made a
better negotiator if she had placed your interests before hers! "If
you...then I." If you give me what I want, then, and only then,
will I give you what you want. If you clean the room then I will give
you 10 rupees. This puts the condition before the offer. If the
condition of cleaning the room is not met, the offer of money is
withdrawn.
Five
ways of responding to conflict
Given
such examples of conflict situations, we can deduce that there are five
modes of responding to conflict:
Ø
Yielding
Ø
Collaborating
Ø
Compromising
Ø
Avoiding
Ø
Competing
Whether we choose to
yield, collaborate, compromise, compete with, or avoid a conflict
situation depends on the importance of our interests and the importance
of the other person’s interests. Aside of your interests, your
yielding (or avoiding) to your mother’s demand for cleaning your room
depends on how important you feel it is to satisfy her.
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